


You're the Judge (Set me Free)

by orphan_account



Series: Black and Grey [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, But it's there, Harry can't see color, High School, Homophobia, It's not huge or anything, Just like the first one, Louis is an amazing boyfriend, M/M, Sex, a few homophobic slurs, all of that good stuff, inferred depression, sorry - Freeform, ya know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-10 05:11:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4378508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things in Harry's life had taken a turn for the better, and <em>finally</em> Harry was simply... Happy. Things were going well. Until, of course, Harry's less-than-supportive father chimes in. That's when things went downhill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The prequel to this is "Three Lights Are Lit, but the Fourth One's Out", so please read that before you read this one, otherwise you may be a bit confused at first :) thank you!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Use of homophobic slurs and a bit of domestic disturbance.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry sometimes just doesn't like life

Harry sat hunched in front of his computer for the third time that week, typing up what would come to be a very important essay. The school year was just coming to an end, and being as though Harry was a Junior, he needed as much time to study and prep himself for this assignment as possible, keeping in the back of his mind that he really didn't want to fail his classes.  
  
Not that he was on track to fail, obviousily. Harry always took his academics seriousily, wanting to set up a secure future for himself so that he didn't end up homeless or hardly making ends meet. He remembered his grandparents telling him (back when his dad would take him to visit them) to work hard for the things you want in life. It was a huge cliché, and Harry knew it then and there, but he still held on to the words. There was a distinct difference between reading an over-used motivational quote off of a poster with a sunset as a background, than hearing an over-used motivational quote coming from someone you know and love dearly. And then growing up and seeing such a poor work ethic displayed by his father, Harry was determined to work hard for what he wanted. He wanted a secure future. He wanted a job he enjoyed. He wanted a family. He wanted to see color.  
  
Of course, just because you work hard, doesn't mean that you're going to recieve what you work hard for. That fact is just about as true as it is sad, and Harry knew that with every fiber in his being. That didn't mean he wasn't going to try, though. Of course he was. He would always try. That may or may not have been his reason for watching a Youtube video entitled, "Coloutblind Man Sees Purple for the First Time" (and whaddya know, it was in Harry's "Recommended for You" section). He had been with Louis at the time, because they wanted to watch some video tutorial on one thing or another, so while Louis went to go get them some snacks, Harry made sure to put the video in his "Watch later" section.  
  
So he did. Watch it later, that is. He didn't exactly know _why_ he wanted to watch it, but there was some weird pull towards it. Nevertheless, he waited until he got back to his own house, opening his laptop, the blinding brightness of the screen cutting through the otherwise darkness of his room. He kept an eye out for his bedroom door, making sure that it was closed tight just in case his dad came home late and accidentally mistook Harry's room for his own (again). He logged into his Youtube account, squinting his eyes until he finally adjusted to the sudden brightness. He clicked on the video, and suddenly felt silly for wanting to watch this in private. It wasn't like he was watching anything weird, or demeaning. No one would think twice about him watching this. Yet, he still felt a weird tingly sensation throughout his body as he waited for the video to load, as if he was watching some sketchy, foreign porn or something. Odd.  
  
The video finally loaded and the man introduced himself and the situation. He still could see color, though it was far more dull than how normal people see it. Harry didn't really understand what he meant, but as the man went on to explain, it became more clear. He would sometimes see bright greens as light browns or other more dull colors. Harry's head spun, trying to picture what he was saying, and he was almost tempted just to close the video because although he understood him perfectly, he couldn't relate to anything. After about a minute, the video cut to him in the middle of some sort of office building - his work, maybe? - and someone handed him the glasses. He put them on, not noticing any difference at first. He simply scanned the room, slightly confused. The man behind the camera urged him forward, telling him to follow him into another room. As they walked along, the man with the glasses stopped and looked at a the side of a cubicle. He lifted the glasses up, looked at the cublice, then out them back on, with his gaze still locked on the cubicle. Harry wondered what he saw. It looked a simple grey to Harry, so he wasn't exactly sure what the man was marveling at. It must've been quite something, though, because he gave a surprised chuckle, still following the man behind the camera.  
  
They made it into a large conference room. The man with the glasses was on the border of hysterics, his palms covering his face. He walked straight up to a plain black plant, gripping the leaves in his hands. He took his glasses on and off, surprise laughter coming out of his mouth. He was laughing out of pure shock and delightfulness, that Harry felt his own smile start to creep up his face. He turned around and was completely taken aback by a certain container that, once again, looked black to Harry.  
  
He put the container down, picking up a black and grey pen.  
  
"It's pink!" He exclaimed, holding out the grey pen, extremely excited.  
  
Harry crossed his arms, feeling a twinge of aggravation in his heart.  
  
"Yeah. And what color is that one?" The man behind the camera asked, pointing to the black pen.  
  
"Green!" He exclaimed again, his voice quivering slightly.  
  
Harry took a deep breath. Inhale, exhale.  
  
He put the pens down, picking up the Lysol container again.  
  
"What- is this purple?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah, it is," The man behind the camera replied.  
  
"What the fuck!" The man said once again, completely enthralled by this all. His voice was quivering and Harry only watched a few more seconds, seeing the man open a door and go outside. He immediately closed the tab out, staring at his computer's background. He studied the picture intently, the scowl on his face being slowly replaced with a smile as his eyes flicked over Louis' features. The picture was taken on their way back from school one day, when Louis decided he wanted to stop by the park. They sat on the swings a bit, talking about everything and nothing (which usually involved dragging their classmates through the mud), and ran around the field together, kicking an abandoned football. Harry's legs - girraffe legs, as Louis liked to call them - tripped him, so that he landed on his back in the fresh grass. Louis slid right beside him and snapped a selfie that Harry hadn't stopped laughing for, so they both stuck their tongues out at the camera, making matching silly faces. It was by far Harry's favorite picture taken of himself.  
  
Even though, whenever he looked at it, he only ever saw Louis' bright grey eyes and crinkle-eyed smile, he thought it was beautiful. He started wondering what color Louis' eyes were, and suddenly he found himself back on the internet. He went back to the video he was watching and scrolled the comments, finding out that those were "EnChroma" glasses, that somehow adjusted your eyesight to see colors that are meant to be seen - to a certain extent. Harry's palm began to sweat as he clicked on a test to see if he would be eligible for a pair of them. Only two questions into the test, however, it stated that his condition was far too severe to be treated. He started the test again, trying harder to identify the colors. The same exact thing happened, and two questions later, he was left again with the pop-up, apologizing because he was basically a lost cause.  
  
He shook his head, willing the liquid in his eyes to stop threatening to spill. He shuts his laptop with a bit more force than intended, as he just sets it on the floor and pulls himself under his duvet; he shivered, although he was plenty warm beneath his blanket. His mind began to wonder again about the color of Louis' eyes and what they really looked like. There was a voice in the back of his head, telling him they were blue. The second he thought of his eyes the word "blue" jumped around the back of his mind. He didn't know what blue looked like (and according to the EnChroma website, he never would), yet he just felt the connection. The sky was often the same shade of grey as Louis' eyes, and everyone knew that the sky was blue.  
  
The sky was blue, right? Fucking hell this was frustrating. Harry hated this. He hated all of the uncertainty that came from not seeing colors. No one really seemed to understand that not being able to see color was actually quite frustrating and effected his life far more than people thought. He hated it.  
  
He layed in bed, curled on his side, feeling anger and frustration sear through his bones as a tear made a path down his cheek. Not that it wasn't an unusual occurence for him, after all.  
  
****  
  
"Lou?" Harry asked, sitting in Louis' living room. His parents were out yet again, and his sisters always stayed cooped up in their own rooms, so him and Louis pretty much had free reign of the house. He had one leg crossed beneath another, waiting for Louis to come back. He had insisted on making them both tea, and although Harry wasn't even a big fan of it, Louis got some new tea bags and apparently Harry just had to try them. He didn't mind, though. If being a good boyfriend entailed drinking not-very-welcome tea, then it was fine. And it was a cold day anyway, so why not have a bit of hot tea to warm his insides back up?  
  
Louis came back with two cups, handing one to Harry and keeping one clutched close to his chest as he sat crossed-legged in front of Harry on the couch, both facing each other. Louis looked especially cozy today: He was wearing his dark grey beanie, a black jumper, and light grey joggers. His jumper was fairly large on him (wasn't that Harry's?), so it passed his knuckles, only allowing his fingertips to peek out from the ends. It was possibly the most endearing thing Harry had ever seen, and he couldn't help but remember back to the night of their first kiss. He didn't know why it had just popped into his head right now, but oh well. It was Harry's first kiss (unless you count the time he kissed a girl under a tree in third grade), and it as great. Despite the fact that he has just been crying, Louis still saw him as beautiful and told Harry as such. From then on, they had been sharing kisses (never in front of Harry's dad because - no), and holding hands and spending more... alone time together. Nothing sexual had happened between them, but if they had a few heated make-out sessions on Louis' bed, then, well no one had to know.  
  
It was only three days after their first kiss that their relationship had become official. So, here they were. Sitting across each other on the couch, sipping tea, and just talking. An old married couple these two were, sometimes.  
  
"Yeah?" Louis responded, as he got into a more comfortable position.  
  
"What color are your eyes?"  
  
Louis cocked an eyebrow, the ghost of a smile remaining on his lips. It felt like sometimes Louis forgot that Harry couldn't see color, but he didn't mind.  
  
"Blue," His voice held sort of a skepticle undertone to it, as if he wanted Harry to elaborate on why he was curious.  
  
Harry just nodded, looking down into his tea and taking a sip. When he looked back up, Louis was still watching him before he finally decided to ask why  
  
Harry just shrugged, "Sometimes the sky is the same type of grey as your eyes. So. I thought maybe they were both blue." Harry paused for a second, "The sky is blue, right?"  
  
Louis chuckled, "Yeah, the sky is blue. Sometimes it's grey, though. Like, on a cloudy day."  
  
"I know," Harry immediately chimed in, "I love cloudy days. Then everyone sees what I see." Harry laughed, but Louis didn't take it as lightheartedly.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, like. Everyone sees the sky as blue. So, when it's grey, I know that everyone is seeing what I see everyday. It's like, a little glimpse into my world."  
  
Louis never saw cloudy days the same way.  
  
****  
  
Harry had only a few memories of being with his mother. They were mostly good. Mostly. He remembered one time when he was sitting in the shopping cart while his mum wheeled him around the grocery store. They had been getting some things for a neighborhood BBQ going on later that day. They had been in the meat section, his mother looking at the tags of the ground beef and steaks and so on, making sure everything was organic or free-range, or something like that. Harry was playing with his favorite Barbie doll, having a whole conversation in his head, when something caught his eyes. He looked up to see two men strolling down the aisle, stopping to look at the meats only a few feet away from his mum. They were in a quiet conversation about some sort of fish, when the smaller one wrapped his arm around the larger one's waist. They caught each other's eye, and the taller one leaned in and pecked the shorter one on the lips.  
  
Harry remembered being confused, because he thought that only girls and boys can kiss?  
  
He looked at his mum who looked to her side to catch sight of the taller one leaning in for another, just as short, kiss. His mum took a deep breath, quickly put one of the meats in their shopping cart and went on. Harry continued staring at them as she wheeled them off, when she suddenly scolded him.  
  
"Don't stare at them, sweetheart."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"They - it's not natural. I mean, I'm not exactly against it, but," She looked far off, "Just don't, okay?"  
  
"What if I was like that?" He asked, having no real purpose for the question, because of how young he was.  
  
She gave him a sad smile, as though she knew something that he didn't. Her eyes flickered down to the doll in his hands, when she kissed him on the head and replied, "Honey, I'll always love you and support you. No matter what." She took one final glance at the men in the frozen goods section, putting two packs of fish into their shopping cart, and her sigh was replaced with a small smile. She kissed him on the head again, "No matter what.  
  
Harry smiled, and continued playing with his Barbie.  
  
****  
  
It was one day. One day that went by so fast, yet when Harry woke up the next day, he wasn't even sure if it was a dream or not. It was all so surreal.  
  
Harry walked home hand-in-hand with Louis, talking about a specific assignment for his Calculus class.  
  
"I hate finals," Louis stated, a small grimace on his face.  
  
Harry chuckled, squeezing his hand, "Lou, you'll do fine. You're the second smartest person I know."  
  
Louis looked up, almost offended, "Well, then who's the first?"  
  
"Me, obviousily," He scoffed.  
  
"Oi!" Louis retorted, poking him in the ribs, as Harry drew his hands up in defense.  
  
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" Louis didn't stop jabbing Harry with his tiny fingers. They were right in front of Harry's house, and he didn't even notice his dad's truck in the driveway.  
  
Louis finally stopped, leaving Harry breathless and his lungs slightly sore from laughing so much.  
  
Harry pulled him into a tight embrace, resting his chin on his head (Louis would never admit it, but he loved the height difference).  
  
"I'm kidding, love. You are the smartest person I know," Harry giggled at the end of his sentence, and even though he couldn't see Louis' face, he knew he was rolling his eyes. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's waist, and peered up at him.  
  
"That's what I like to hear," Harry's smile only widened as Louis leaned up to give Harry a peck on the lips. They stayed like that for a few minutes, just looking at each other and giving small kisses, before Harry announced that he should probably go inside. Of course, Louis protested a bit, claiming how he didn't want to let him go and Harry should come over to his house because he was so warm and it was cold outside. Harry just laughed again, but he was unwavering in his stance, because he actually did have a lot of work to do, despite it being a Friday. Going to Louis' house almost every day made him fall behind slightly, because they ended up playing some weird game or watching a movie or making out. With one final kiss (this one lasted a bit longer), Harry was about to pull away. He didn't want to, but he was about to.  
  
"Harry!" He heard from his front porch. He jumped, creating a one or two foot distance between him and Louis, trying not to notice the sideways glance Louis is giving him.  
  
His dad's eyes flickered from between the two of them until he finally told Harry to get inside. Harry nodded solemnly, giving Louis one last glance before heading inside. Louis swallowed the thick lump in his throat that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, as he trudged the rest of his way home, making a mental note to text Harry the second he gets inside.  
  
Harry tried getting to his room, but his dad grabbed him by the elbow and spun him around, "What the fuck was that?!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Who the fuck is that, Harry?"  
  
Harry looked down at his shoes, vaguely wondering which ones he would wear tomorrow.  
  
"Just a friend."  
  
"Just a friend? Just a friend?!" This was the part where Harry started getting scared, because this was always when his dad lost his temper. His voice would rise in pitch slightly, and his face would go completely red. At this point, he usually tried to keep his head down, not saying much, or keeping quiet because he wanted to get to his room as quickly as possible. He didn't want to get hit, he didn't want to get hurt, he just wanted to do some work for his classes. Was that really so much to ask?  
  
"You were fucking sharing saliva out there, and you tell me he's just a fucking friend?"  
  
Harry winced at that phrasing.  
  
It was quiet for a few moments, and Harry decided to spare a glance at his father. He had his head down, one hand pinching the bridge of his nose, the other hand clamped tightly around his own waist. His hair was mussed up and Harry wondered why he was home so early. Suddenly, he remembered them having a fight like this before. It was when Harry had just turned 12 and his friends were telling him about the scandelous movies they were watching online. Harry had already had the notion that you could watch people having sex on you computer, because say what you want about him being an socially awkward and unintentionally sheltered, but he was no fool. He was never interested in watching it, but something about hearing the other boys in his class talking about it sparked his interest. So, he went home that same say, and used his tablet to look up porn. He didn't even know exactly what to type in, so he just typed that: Porn.  
  
He clicked on the first website that popped up, and after going through a few advertisements and such, he watched a few minutes of a strong male putting his cock into a smaller female. Harry didn't lie to himself, it was arousing. However, he found himself looking more at the guy's lean body, his cock spurting with precome, than the actual video. Or the girl. Unlike his friends, he didn't seem to be interested in the girl at all. Harry was about half-hard just watching the guy, but found himself losing interest when they actually started to have sex. You know, the entire point of the video? Yeah, Harry wasn't for that. So, locking his door and crawling under the covers, he searched up something a bit different: Gay Porn. He found another video (whaddya know, it was the same 'site), and clicked on a playlist entitled "Twinks." The first video in the playlist played, and although he didn't exactly know what a twink was, he figured it probably had something to do with how one of the men was smaller, with more feminine curves, yet the other man was taller, broader, and less curvy. Harry felt his cock fill up immediately, watching the smaller one bounce up and down on the larger one's cock.  
  
He took his own into his hands, stroking up and down at a slow pace, then faster when he felt an unfamiliar heat in his lower abdomen. He came all over his hand, pushing his tablet aside, and cleaning up. He deleted the web history that time. It was on his third time that he forgot to delete it, and his father went through it while Harry was at school. That wasn't a very pleasant conversation. He told his father that he was just curious, and his father made him _swear_ that he wasn't gay, and wasn't ever going to be gay. Harry swore, because at that moment in time, Harry didn't think he was gay. He was just attracted to men, okay? Whatever. Either way, it was safe to say that Harry didn't look up porn for a long while after that.  
  
That's what this situation reminded him of. He subconsciously went through his internet history in his head, reminding himself that he had a password for both his phone and laptop, so his dad couldn't get in if he tried.  
  
"Just tell me." Harry jumped at the sudden voice.  
  
"Tell you what?"  
  
"Is he - are you gay or not, Harry?"  
  
Harry swallowed. He didn't know what to say. He thought about lying, but even if he did, he'd have no explanation as to why he was just kissing a boy. He could tell the truth (Harry wasn't one for lying, anyway), but he knew his dad would get furious.  
  
_Maybe he's changed,_ He allowed himself to think. He took a quick scan around the room, noting anything that his dad might try to attack him with or throw at the wall if things got really bad. He quickly calculated how long it would take him to get to the front door.  
  
Finally, sick with hiding, he nodded.  
  
"Yeah," He clarified, surprised at how weak his voice had gotten. He shifted his feet, a strong heat creep up his chest, and wrapping around his neck. He vaguely wished to could choke him.  
  
"I fucking knew it," His dad mumbled, looking at the ground.  
  
Should he apologise? Say something comforting? Ask if he's okay with it? He didn't know. He had no idea what to fucking do next after his father continued staring at the ground. Harry just fucking came out to his father, and all he could do was stare at the ground? Not even responding? Okay. Fine.  
  
"I fucking knew it," He said louder, turning his back to Harry, and slowly pacing across the carpet. This scared Harry far more than his dad screaming. At least when his dad screamed or yelled, he knew exactly how to handle it and what to do with the situation. Here, he never knew. It only happened a few times in his life, so he had no clue as to what happens next.  
  
"Dad-"  
  
"Get out of my sight."  
  
Harry stumbled back at the sudden request. He always knew his father felt Harry to be a burden, but this? This was unmarked territory. He felt his heart plummet into his stomach.  
  
"W-what?"  
  
"I said get out of my sight, you fucking faggot!" His father walked up to him, shoving a finger in his face, "I fucking raised you to be a man. A man, Goddamit!" His pounded his fist on the coffee table to the left, "And what do I get in return?" His eyes went up and down Harry's body, clearly disgusted. "A worthless fucking faggot of a son."  
  
Harry felt tears prickling his eyes and he didn't know if it was because he hadn't blinked in awhile, or because he felt pain everywhere.  
  
"Your mother would be ashamed of you."  
  
And that's what did it.  
  
The knot in Harry's throat loosened slightly, as tears started to fall down his cheeks without any warning. He silently made his way down the hallway, and right as he opened the door to his bedroom, he heard his father grunt in frustration and then something made of glass shattered against the wall. It only beckoned more sobs and a whimper out of Harry as he locked himself in his room with shaky hands, sinking against the door. His pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms on top, and burying his head as his body just rocked with all of his emotions. Something shattered against his door, and he let out a small shriek, as he almost felt the impact through the door. His dad kept shouting profanities and slurs, and the more he went on, the more tears came and - wow, Harry did not know he could cry this much. He covered his ears, afraid that the name-calling wasn't going to stop.  
  
Because of his curcumstances, he was gay and it was pretty unfortunate. He knew his mum wouldn't be ashamed. She promised she would love him no matter what, and he believed that. That didn't change the fact that those words hurt, though.  
  
He hated everything. Well, not everything. He didn't hate Louis. He couldn't hate Louis, no one could. Just the thought of the cheery grey-eyed boy, caused a certain pang in Harry's chest. Among all things, all of the emotions he was currently feeling, he suddenly felt guilty for the ridiculous fact that he couldn't see color. He didn't get to appreciate Louis' beautiful blue eyes (blue, right? Harry always forgets), his colored hair that probably matched his skintone. He didn't get to see the colors that Louis chose to wear that day, or even something as stupid as different colored socks. He didn't even know if any of his outfits ever matched, and sometimes, it did actually bother him. He just paired the same shades with the same shades, and hoped he looked good. Either way, he felt silly feeling guilty over that because it was out of his control. Plus, there were more pressing matters at hand. Like, if he was going to be able to sleep tonight.  
  
He crawled into his bed, letting his tears flow and flow, creating a wet patch on the pillow. His head hurt like hell, and his body was heating up so much that he ended up just stripping into his underwear as he allowed himself to get under the covers, his mental exhaustion pulling him into a quick nap.  
  
****  
  
By the time he woke up, the sky had darkened significantly. He was immediately cold, realizing that his body had cooled down, when he tugged his joggers back on. All of the events from earlier that day quickly ran into Harry's mind, making him pause halfway through putting his shirt back on, as tears started gathering at his eyes once more. He took notice of his headache and did his best to will the tears away. After a bit of time went by and nothing but silence was heard, Harry slipped on boots and a beanie, pocketing his phone before heading outside. The cold air was actually quite refreshing on his over-heated face, and he breathed it in for a second before making his way down to Louis'.  
  
About halfway there, Harry checked his phone, noticing he had two texts and one missed call all from the same person. He smiled lightly, before realizing it was 11:32pm. Shit. It was a lot later than he expected. Him and Louis usually talked on the phone at night, whispering sweet nothings and saying their goodnights to each other. He felt guilty all over again for missing their call and Louis being none the wiser as to why.  
  
The first text he sent (at 4:23) read, _Hope you're actually doing work, sweetcheeks_ with a winky-face emoji. Harry's heart lightened a bit, and then read the second text.  
  
(Sent at 6:01) _Your dad seemed kind of pissed. Is everything okay?_ Harry felt bad for not letting Louis in on the situation right away, but he was on his way right now, so it was okay. He ended up in front of Louis' house after a walk that seemed much shorter than the rest. He was about to just walk in, when there was light illuminating from the inside of the house. Odd. Usually everyone was asleep by now. It was a quiet neighborhood, after all, so the unspoken community bedtime was around 10:00p.m.  
  
Harry knocked on the door, and suddenly there was a silence. He hadn't realized it before, but someone must've been having a conversation, because instead of the low buzz of chatter, there was a hesitant silence and then the sound of footsteps.  
  
A bleary-eyed woman opened the door, "Harry?"  
  
"Hi, Jay, sorry - I know it's late, but. Something kind of... Happened? I was - Can - Is Louis home?" Harry mentally slapped himself.  
  
Louis' mum, Jay, opened the door wider, "Yeah, of course. Is everything okay?"  
  
Harry's throat became tight once more, "No, yeah, everything's fine. I just need to talk to Louis."  
  
She nodded, stepping back to allow Harry inside and it was only then that he realized Louis' dad was sitting on the couch as well, eyebrows scrunched. Harry looked between them, noting the stale atmosphere of the room. They must've been in the middle of a conversation. Most likely an important conversation.  
  
"I'm not sure if he's awake, but. I'm sure he wouldn't mind you stopping by so late. He never does," She said with a smile. Harry's head was starting to spin because suddenly everything felt so surreal. He was at Louis' house at midnight, interuppting an important talk between Louis' parents, while his head was swimming with the series of unfortunate events that had transpired mere hours ago. Harry flushed a bit and smiled, giving a quick thanks before heading down the hallway to Louis' room. They didn't do it very often, but sometimes he would stop by Louis' really late at night, when one of them was just having a really shit day and needed to cuddle. Louis would leave the door open, and Harry would sneak in no problem, and no one was phased in the slightest when he appeared there in the morning.  
  
He opened Louis' bedroom door, peeking inside to find that the lights are off and Louis' lightly snoring in his bed. Smiling to himself, he closed the door, took off his shoes and climbed into bed right behind him.  
  
Right before he settled down, he saw that Louis was clutching his phone in his hands, causing Harry's heart to lurch. Nothing had to be said to know that Louis was most likely waiting for a response from Harry, being as though last time they parted, he was left with his extremely angry dad.  
  
Harry finally sunk down right behind him, and heard Louis stir. He had always been a light sleeper.  
  
"Daisy? Did you have another nightmare?" He asked, turning around. His eyes were still closed, as he reached forward blindly, grabbing Harry by the shoulders. He suddenly froze. He felt his shoulders, then inched his hands up to his hair, and felt around a bit.  
  
He finally opened his eyes, "You're not Daisy." He had a smirk on his face. Harry smiled and shook his head, snuggling closer to Louis.  
  
"Nope," Harry relpied. They layed there for a few moments, Louis' arms secure around Harry, and Harry's face breathing deeply into the crook of Louis' neck.  
  
Harry thought Louis fell asleep again, but was proved wrong when Louis asked, "Is everything alright, love?"  
  
He stroked carefully up and down Harry's back, and the knot in his throat only became tighter. Harry shook his head, afraid of what would happen if he used words.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Harry took a deep breath, "I came out today. To my dad."  
  
"That's great, Hazza!"  
  
Harry shook his head once more. Louis stayed silent, waiting for Harry to continue.  
  
"He - he," _Don't fucking cry._ "He t-told me to get out of his sight and that I-I" _Oh, fucking fantastic, here come the waterworks._ "That I was worthless and he called," Tears were now streaming down Harry's face, as he struggled to keep his breath steady, "Me a faggot."  
  
Louis turned to click the lamp on, sitting up and giving Harry his full attention. Harry sat up as well, with his knees to his chest, and his arms wrapped around them.  
  
He put his face on his knees, "Louis, he - he kept throwing things at me," Harry wasn't even sure if Louis could understand him at this point because his entire body was rocking with sobs, a fire staring to burn beneath his ribcage.  
  
"Oh, Hazza," Louis wrapped his arms around Harry, causing him to cry even harder. They stayed like that for awhile, Louis allowing Harry to settle in the crook of his neck, while Louis held him close, whispering the sweetest things in his ear. Louis also started to cry to, but only a bit, when Harry could feel a drop of two on his shoulder every few minutes. Harry always felt secure in Louis' arms. It was a hard feeling to explain. He hadn't felt secure for most of his life - always on the edge in one way or another - but here, cradled safely by his love, he couldn't feel more at home. This wasn't even his home, but he didn't need to even be in a building to feel at home. Because Louis was always his home. "The home is where the heart is," he heard many people proclaim. If that was the case, then Harry hadn't had a home until he met Louis. Even before they met, when they made eye contact in the hallways, Harry knew that this boy was special. He was somehting else.  
  
So when Louis was stroking his hair, giving small kisses on his temple while he calmed down, it was hard for Harry not to feel at home.  
  
"He told me my mother would be ashamed."  
  
Louis's hands faltered.  
  
"Har-"  
  
"She wouldn't, I know she wouldn't, but. It just. It still hurts, you know?" This time, Harry turned to actually face Louis, not caring anymore if his eyes were bloodshot red and his face was blotchy from all of the crying.  
  
"I know, babe," Louis held Harry closer, continuing to smooth his hands over his back, "I'm sorry."  
  
"What are you sorry about?"  
  
Louis was looking at him with an intensity that caused Harry to squirm slightly, "You shouldn't have to go through this. You deserve so much more."  
  
"No, really, I don't."  
  
Louis frowned, "Of course you do, love. You are such an amazing person. You're so special to me, Harry, and I'm sure you're special to a bunch more people."  
  
"Lou-"  
  
"I'm serious. I just wish I could give you everything you deserve," And the fact that Louis looked genuinely upset that he couldn't, only tugged at Harry's heartstrings even more. This time, though, it was a good tug. Something akin to endearment.  
  
Harry let his head fall forward, so that their mouths met for the first time that night. Neither of them took it very fast, both kissing at a languid pace that ended up leaving them both out of breath, anyway.  
  
Louis nudged his forehead against Harry's.  
  
"I love you."  
  
Harry's entire body immediately flushed, because he didn't think he had heard those words... Ever. He felt two emotions fighting for dominance over his heart, and he didn't know which one to let win. A third emotion was crawling it's way into the back of Harry's mind, causing him to feel a bit scared. He immediately threw it away, not knowing exactly why he should be scared. He knew Louis. He knew Louis meant those words, and he knew that Louis would never abandon him. He had been waiting for the moment where he met the perfect boy who told him those three sacred words, so why was he so hesitant to say them back? He saw it in movies all of the time: Cool guy meets quirky girl, and they both say "I love you" usually within the same scene. He remembers watching those movies, and wanting that for himself.  
  
Yet, when he was here, with the boy of his dreams, he felt a bit of apprehension. Did Louis _really_ love him? Did Harry love Louis? Of course he did. He knew that better than anything else. He loved Louis. However, those weren't the words that came out of his mouth.  
  
"Do you really?"  
  
Louis seemed a bit taken aback, as if Harry had said something hurtful. Immediately Harry's heart sunk.  
  
"No, wait, I didn't mean it like that. I just- it's been hard, yeah? And I've never. No one's ever said that to me before. I don't - I've never felt this way and it's confusing and I don't know what to do," Harry bruied his face in his hands.  
  
"It's okay. I understand." Harry looked up to see hurt written all across Louis face. Well, if he didn't feel like a shit person before, he sure does now.  
  
"Louis," He cupped Louis' face with his hands and brought their lips together in a quick kiss, "I love you too."  
  
Louis' face immediately brightened and it was so cute, a quick thought of 'I want to see this face for the rest of my life' passed through his head, before he dismissed it with a figurative flick of the wrist.  
  
They finally went to sleep at about 1:00a.m., with little whispers here and there. Harry, once again, felt safe and secure in Louis' arms as he whispered into Harry's hair a last "I love you," and right there in that moment, there was no place he would rather be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Takes a deep breath* FINALLY

_Louis cupped Harry's face in his hands, bringing their mouths together in a hard kiss. His tongue slipped through Harry's mouth, while simulteneously grinding down on top of him, Harry letting a moan slip from his mouth into Louis'._  
  
_"Fuck," Harry breathed out, Louis going down to place kissed along his collarbone. Louis hummed some sort of agreement, unzipping Harry's trousers and pushing them down his long legs. His pants went down with them, springing his already dripping cock, that slightly curved against his stomach._  
  
_"Hazza," Louis almost moaned, "You're fucking huge." He leaned back up to engage Harry in another tongue-heavy kiss; Louis loosely wrapping his hand around Harry. He bucked up into the touch, not used to another person's touch on his own cock, not to mention the fact that Louis' cold hands felt like ice against his steaming skin. Harry felt his entire body heat up, not even needing to look down to know that his more heated patches are a darker shade of grey. Louis' neck had darkened in spots where Harry kissed him only a few minutes prior._  
  
_Harry's heart was beating out of his chest. They haven't even started anything yet, but Harry still felt like he was completely unable to control his own actions. He was shaking uncontrollably, his hands tangled in Louis' hair, trying his best to hold on to any last bit of compure he had. That was awfully hard, though, when the love of his life was grinding on top of him while cupping his cock in his hand._  
  
_"Louis," Harry moaned, Louis licking a stripe up the side of his neck. He sucked a bite at the base of his neck, while taking his pants off (leaving his shorts on, God dammit), and started grinding against Harry harder. He knew he wasn't going to last much longer due to him being a virgin and nothing if not chaste. Well, up to this point anyway._  
  
_"I-I need you," Harry was able to say right before Louis started thumbing the head of his cock; Harry letting out an embarassing loud wail._  
  
_"Yeah?" Louis came up further, sucking on the soft skin right below his ear._  
  
_"Y-yeah."_  
  
_Their mouths met once more in a hot kiss, Louis licking into Harry's mouth with an inensity he had never experienced before._  
  
_"Okay."_  
  
****  
  
Harry woke up, eyes shooting open immediately. His heart was pounding at over a million miles per minute, he was sure. He looked to his left, to see Louis curled up in a ball, his arm draped over Harry's waist and his face in the mass of curls behind Harry's head. He shut his eyes tight, willing the beating of his chest to slow down, not even fully understanding what he was so riled up over.  
  
Oh, yeah.  
  
He had an extremely detailed wet dream. About Louis. Right.  
  
This wasn't exactly known territory for Harry. It wasn't like he didn't think of Louis in a sexual way (heaven knows Harry has had his share of fantasies as to what Louis could accomplish with his petite fingers), it was just that: It had never been to this level. To the level where Harry's heart finally slowed down, but then he felt another throbbing. It was a bit lower than his heart, so he lifted the duvet slightly and - oh, would you look at that. He immediately dropped the duvet again, not wanting to see any more of his throbbing cock that was tenting his joggers. He could already see a small patch of wetness from where the precome was forming and he really wishes that he wasn't so virginal, so that he could maybe just take a cold shower and let it go away. Of course, if he were at his own house, he would have no problem giving a few tugs of his cock to make himself come at the mere thought of Louis' body weight towering over him. His thin, yet warm lips connecting with Harry's and swirling their tongues together.  
  
Much to his disadvantage, Harry let his thoughts lead their own path. He thought of how real Louis' hands had felt on Harry cock, how he could almost feel the bruises Louis had left along his collarbone. He couldn't, however, because it was a dream. Just a dream. Nevertheless, he let his hand slide down his joggers as he pressed the heel of his hand against his throbbing erection, causing the pressure plues his thoughts of Louis, to make even more precome shoot and darken the spot on his joggers even further. He knew he was close to coming, being as though he could see the dark spot on his joggers meaning that it bled through his shorts, and well... That wasn't exactly good.  
  
He jerked his hand away from himself, but not before he was unable to stop a small moan that escaped from his lips. He felt a shifting from behind him.  
  
"Hazza?"  
  
Fuck. It was that raspy morning voice. Fuck Louis being a light sleeper and fuck him for being so fit and fuck everyone for causing this to happen. Fuck Harry's life, honestly.  
  
Harry turned around to look at Louis, trying to keep his composure as cool as possible. He was never very good at that, was he?  
  
Upon eye contact, Louis immediately scrunched his eyesbrows, propping himself up on his forearm, "You okay?"  
  
Harry just bit his lip and nodded, knowing that his eyes probably had that glassy, far-away look that he always got after he came. And he hasn't even came yet. Fuck it all.  
  
Louis was still suspicious, no doubt, but nodded otherwise, and Harry couldn't help but think how inopprotune this all was. Here he was, one day after his dad hurled a lamp at him and screamed profanities, waking up with a stiffy, because he was lying in his boyfriend's bed and dreaming about his boyfriend's hands and mouth and - fuck. Harry couldn't help it when his eyes fluttered shut at Louis running his hand through Harry's hair, mindlessly staring at his hand. Harry almost purred at the touch, leaning into it. Louis let out a small chuckle, leaning down to press a kiss to his temple.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Louis asked, his voice laced with slight concern.  
  
"Better."  
  
"Yeah?" Louis asked, that simple question reminding Harry of his dream. He bit his lip again and nodded, his hips involunatirly shifting. Louis' eyes flickered down to Harry's hips, his eyes trailing a hot path back up to the face. Harry knew that Louis couldn't see his throbbing erection through the duvet, but he couldn't help feeling completely naked lying under Louis' gaze like this. Louis' eyes darkened for the hint of a second: going from his usual bright grey, to a touch darker, and back. The flicker happened so fast, any other person would've missed it completely. Harry isn't "any other person," though.  
  
Louis leaned down fully, his left hand supporting himself on the other side of Harry's body, the other coming to caress his cheek. He pressed their lips together, softly at first, then slowly opened both of their mouths, though their tongues were hardly touching. Their mouths moved rythmically against each other, and Harry's heart fluttered against his ribcage, the action reminding him of the soft, yet powerful, words they exchanged the night before.  
  
"I love you," Harry breathed into Louis' mouth. He smiled against his lips.  
  
"I love you, too."  
  
They kept kissing like that, a slow, evenly paced ryhthym that still had them panting against their swollen lips when they finally pulled back. Harry kept his hand on Louis' waist, smoothing it up and down his palm.  
  
Louis stared at him for a long beat, and Harry could almost hear the gears working in his head, trying to properly structure the sentence that was about to come out of his mouth. He had that look on his face that suggested a heavy conversation topic, and Harry already knew what he was going to say. He didn't want to talk about it, though, not yet. Not on this wonderful morning where, despite really wanting to have sex with his boyfriend, he would be completely content to simply to lay there, swapping love-struck grins and deep kisses.  
  
"Are you..." Louis started, but was interuppted by another kiss. They both smirked into it - Harry wanting to prolong the situation just a little while longer.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asked, as Harry raised an eyebrow, "I mean, like. With...going home and stuff. Y-you don't have to go right now, of course, but. Like, sometime later, will you - do you think, you'll be fine?" Harry just looked at him for a second, Louis seemingly at a loss of words, "'Cause, if not I can-"  
  
"Lou," Harry chuckled, leaning in for one more pec, "It's fine. I'll be okay." Despite the reassuring words, Harry couldn't help but feel a twist in his stomach. He repeated the words in his head, then decided to stop, realizing that it was only making him feel worse.  
  
"Harry, I know you."  
  
"And?" Harry chuckled once more, cocking an eyebrow yet again.  
  
Louis soothingly pushed some fringe out of Harry's face, " _And_ ," He continued, adding extra emphasis on the small word, "I know when you don't feel good about something. Your face crinkles. I don't want to see your face crinkle." Louis' voice was light and half-joking, yet Harry knew Louis well enough to know that the undertone to his statement was far from light.  
  
Harry put his hand on the back of Louis' neck, twirling the small strands of the back of his hair before pulling him back down for one last kiss.  
  
"I'll be fine. I promise. He was just... having a bad day and then I dropped that bomb on him. He's fine. Really, he is," The struggle to keep his smile up turned into a battle - one in which he lost. His smile fell, his insides curtling at the statement that everything will be okay and everything is fine and nothing like that will happen again. He felt bile itch up his throat, realizing that after he swallowed, it was just an itch at the back of his throat. One that he couldn't scratch. He cleared his throat, willing for the feeling to go away. It didn't work.  
  
"But, what about you?"  
  
"I'll be perfectly fine, Lou. My dad doesn't even talk to me much anyways. Plus, hey, I'm almost 18! I'll be able to move out in no time," That made the itch in his throat back off a little bit, allowing him to breathe more properly. Louis relaxed at that, too, getting back down on the bed as Harry turned to tuck his face into the crook of Louis' neck, Louis, sighing and smoothing a hand up and down Harry's back.  
  
He kissed the top of his head, "I love you, Hazza."  
  
Harry shut his eyes tight, his heart folding inwards for some reason, "I love you too, Lou."  
  
They layed like that for the two more quiet hours they had together before the rest of the family started rising from their slumbers. Harry's cock had gone from a throbbing hardness with precome dripping, to an almost-halfway-hard cock, the small spot of his joggers almost completely gone. He wished he could stay like this forever. He wished he could stay like this forever, all warm and wrapped up in Louis' embrace. He felt comfortable, at home and _safe._ He started to feel heat behind his eyelids at the thought of having to go home to a cold and unloving house after this, leaving his home in Louis' arms behind.  
  
Maybe things wouldn't be so bad. Maybe, if he just kept treading water, like he had been for the first 17 years of his life, he could get by. He could. He was sure he could. As long as he had Louis, he'd be fine.  
  
That's what Harry hoped, that's what Harry believed, and he could only pray that Louis thought the same way.  
  
****  
  
They'd been together quite some time now. Harry and Louis, that is. And although they had plenty of heated, tongue-heavy, make-out sessions and heavy petting, Harry was starting to get frustrated. They hadn't actually had sex yet. Every time they went to do something, one thing or another came up. Louis' sister got sick. Harry had homework. Louis was tired. Harry wasn't feeling well. Excuse after excuse and inconvenience after inconvenience. They both wanted it. Harry could tell by the way Louis looked at him from across the dinner table when their families had the occasional meal together (minus Harry's dad, of course, because...Well, yeah.). He could see the lust in Louis' eyes and kiss-swollen lips when they had to pull apart for one reason or another. Harry hoped Louis could see it in his eyes, too. He hoped he could see the want flashing across the entire fucking school for all he cared, because he wanted Louis and Louis wanted him. When Harry caught Louis' grey eyes tracing his torso every so often, he hoped his own black eyes reflected the same desire. He was sure they did.  
  
They had just gone to a bakery for breakfast and returned to Louis' house, to find it completely empty. There was a heavy silence between them, which was odd, because that didn't usually happen. On their way to, at, and from the bakery ("I used to work there, actually." "I know, Harry." "How?" "You've told that story a million times.") Harry would catch Louis sneaking glances at him with those dark grey eyes that no longer matched the grey of the sky. Harry had only seen Louis' eyes like that for short intervals, yet the entire time, Louis kept his intense gaze trained on Harry, even when Harry looked down, his cheeks growing a darker grey with bashfulness. He knew the exact look Louis was giving him. He didn't want to think about it too much, though, because it kept reminding him of his wet dream and he tried really tried to not get hard at family-friendly bakeries. Once they reached Louis' house, though, there was a small Post-It on the door, which Louis took off to read.  
  
_Lou and Harry,_  
  
_Went to take the girls to a birthday party. Lottie and Fizz are at the mall. Will be back soon!_  
  
_\- Mum_  
  
There was a messily drawn heart at the bottom, both assuming Louis' mum wrote it. He tucked it into his pocket without much care, shaking his head fondly and wondering why she didn't just text him. They still had smiles plastered on their faces, Harry delighted that she included his name on the small note. It was a small action, yet it spoke volumes.  
  
Harry stood in the doorway, still toeing his shoes off when a force shoved him against the door. He hardly had time to react before Louis used one hand to grip the back of Harry's hair, and the other fisting the front of his tee, pulling them into a forceful kiss. Louis moaned when Harry extended his tongue to lick into Louis' mouth, the sound going straight to Harry's cock that he had managed to forget about until now. Louis shoved him back against the door, shrugging his own jacket off before pulling down Harry's.  
  
"Fuck, Harry," Now both of Louis' hands found themselves in Harry's hair, Harry letting out quiet little moans every time Louis tugged at the back of his hair. Both of them were well aware that this wasn't their first time kissing this ferociousily. Nor would it be their last, no doubt. However, it still felt different. It felt as if it was actually going somewhere this time, rather than ending in a frustrated groan because Harry was about to take his jeans off but suddenly something required his immediate attention. No distractions. No interruptions. No anything. Only Harry and Louis and Louis and Harry. Yes. That's what this felt like.  
  
Harry's hands were already fumbling slightly, not knowing exactly what to do. He decided to rest them on Louis' waist, right before Louis spun Harry around and shoved him down on the couch, not missing a beat to straddle him and place both of his small hands to cup Harry's jaw, searing their mouths together once more.  
  
"I want you so fucking bad," Louis whispered as he brought his lips down to the sensitive spot just below Harry's ear, biting down to leave a mark. Harry tilted his head sideways to give Louis better access, letting out quiet noises and putting his large hands on Louis' arse, squeezing hard. Louis bucked up, cursing again. He bit harder against Harry's neck, causing a small wail to erupt out of him. Louis suddenly paused. He stood up, grabbing Harry by the wrist and dragging him into his bedroom, still unmade from this morning.  
  
Not a word was said before Louis practically tackled Harry onto the sheets, shucking his shirt off in the process. Harry smoothed his hands all up and down Louis' torso, always loving how feminine his curves are. He knew Louis didn't like them, but they were beautiful and almost impossible to simply pass by. He gripped Louis' waist, bringing him flush against his body, Louis grinding down on Harry's cock. The heat was getting unbearable now - only one layer of clothing having been removed in the minutes (hours? Days?) they've spent snogging.  
  
Much to either of their dismay, Harry pulled back from Louis, throwing his tee on the other side of the room and swiftly unbottoning his jeans, while Louis did the same to his own. A few shaky fingers and mere seconds later, they were both left in nothing but their shorts, the atmosphere changing. They sat there for a second, panting, while gazing at each other, their eyes not resting for a second. Their eyes flickered from the other's face, to his body, to his legs (and _damn,_ Louis had nice thighs), and up again, making the route at least twice. Louis was back on Harry again, only this time, their pace was more slow and relaxed. They simply kissed for a few moments with Louis hovering over Harry, his body giving off strong waves of heat.  
  
"I love you," Louis said. Only, it wasn't a mere statement. There was a tone behind it, one that was suggestive. As if he was subtly asking for permission for something.  
  
"I love you too," Harry replied, giving Louis' arse another firm squeeze. Louis let out a small chuckle, and proceeded to gring his almost-bare cock against Harry's almost-bare cock. Louis kissed down his neck again, making his way down from Harry's neck, to his chest, to his stomach, to his lower belly. He sucked a small bruise there, Harry bucking upwards. Louis smiled crookedly, and out of nowhere, Harry was reminded that this wasn't Louis' first time.  
  
They had treaded the subject before, skirting around any assumptions or inferences. However, Louis did manage to let Harry know that when he had been with people in the past, even though he was a mere 18 years old, he was no virgin. He had one boyfriend and two girlfriends before Harry, yet always assuring Harry that he was nothing like them: Completely special in his own way. Harry always smiled at that, letting the subject drop. Now, however, he was suddenly wishing he had gotten a bit more into the topic, or at least watched porn more recently because he had no idea what he was doing. He was merely laying there, taking anything Louis would give him. His body responded to every touch, whimpering or moaning at every single hot breath and Louis had hardly even done anything yet. He felt inexperienced and slightly embarassed, causing him to turn his head as best he could and hide in the pillow while he bit his lip.  
  
He felt Louis tug down his shorts, his so-hard-it-hurts cock springing and bathing in the fresh air. Harry let out a small moan. Harry felt Louis freeze even though he wasn't watching him. He opened his eyes slowly and looked towards whatever stopped Louis because he will fight tooth-and-nail to loose his virginity right here and right now.  
  
"Harry," Louis breathed out. He was staring wide-eyed at Harry's length, his mouth open in a slight "O" shape. Harry immediately started to panic, wondering if something was wrong. Did something look off? Oh, shit. His body started getting even hotter, his chest flushing with an even darker and more wide-spread grey. Louis' eyes flickered to Harry's chest, then to his face, his body also growing a darker shade of grey. Harry always thought it was completely unfair how Louis had the prettiest grey eyes, and then the most even grey skintone he had ever seen on a person, combatting with the thick blackness that was his hair. Whenever he flushed, his body got a darker, more patchy grey, yet somehow, that seemed to only make him more beautiful. He was the perfect contrast of sharp to soft, of rough to smooth, of dark to light. Harry felt his heart flutter with fondness before Louis' voice brought him back to the sitatuion.  
  
"You're fucking huge, love," Louis announced after a few moments of silence. Harry threw his head back into the pillows, shutting his eyes tight and trying to muffle his small moans.  
  
Harry felt the weight of the bed shift and he opened his eyes to see Louis hovering above him. He cradled Harry's jawling with his right hand, pulling him in for a sweet kiss, "You're so beautiful." He kissed his cheek, down to his jawline, down to his neck. "So, so beautiful," He said, puncuating each word with another kiss. Harry felt on top of the world, completely blissed-out and almost on a whole 'nother plain. Louis kissed him swiftly on the lips one more time before pulling back down and gripping Harry's cock in his hand. Harry threw his arm over his eyes, whimpering at even the smallest of touches.  
  
He was already breathing extremely heavy, and then Louis kissed the dripping tip of Harry's cock, Harry opening his mouth to let out a small moan yet again. He clenched the duvet in his one hand, crinkling the sheets because he was gripping it so hard.  
  
Louis kitten-licked Harry's head once more before going down and taking almost the whole thing in his mouth. Harry's moaning got louder at this point, and he was suddenly extremely greatful that no one else was here. Louis bobbed up and down, gripping the base of Harry with one hand while sucking and swirling his tongue around the rest of his length. His tongue made circles all around, occasionally stopping to lick the dripping salvia, swiping a tongue all along the underside of Harry's cock, Harry squirming and spouting nonwords the entire time. He was getting closer and closer by the second, and was about to tell Louis so.  
  
"Harry," The voice was completely wrecked, raspy and deep, but hardly from over-use. Harry languidly lifted his arm from his head, looking down to see Louis' face still an inch or two right above Harry's length, and he noticed that Louis' own cock was completely flushed at the tip and curving against his belly; the dark grey tip sticking out like a sore thumb. Louis clambered over to Harry, pulling him in a sloppy kiss, and Harry could almost taste himself on Louis' tongue. Louis continued pumping Harry with one hand, using his thumb to swipe over the tip.  
  
Harry gasped when Louis pressed down on the tip with his thumb, "Lou, I-I'm gonna come." Louis quickly took his hand away, Harry breathing out a long sigh.  
  
"Can I-" Louis started but paused, looking into Harry's earnest eyes, "Can I fuck you?"  
  
Well.  
  
As if anyone would say no to that.  
  
Harry nodded, adding a shaky, "Yes," just incase Louis didn't feel Harry was too sure about it. The next few seconds were a blur, but somehow very meticulous. Harry remembers every single detail (the touch, the smell, the beatings of their hearts), yet when he thought about it too long it all seemed to get jumbled into one big memory, rather than a bunch of small ones.  
  
At some point in time, Louis had rolled a condom on himself, moaning slightly at the contact against his throbbing cock. Harry was watching the entire time, wide eyes scanning over small and then not-so-small movements, trying to drink it all in as if he'll never get another chance. This was a weird time, he figured, to get self-conscious. But he did. How could he not, though? Louis was straddling him with his perfect, even thighs his whole body an evenly mixed variety of grey. His waist and chest was the same light grey it usually was, only his nipples were a far darker grey. They sat in a stark contrast, looking almost black against the light grey of the rest of his body. His black fringe was slightly damp against his forehead, as his simple grey tongue shot out to lick his lips. It was when Louis' eyes flickered back up to Harry when he noticed. When he _really_ noticed. Louis' eyes had taken on a whole different shade of grey - a whole different color, if you will.  
  
Normally, his eyes were the prettiest grey that Harry had ever seen. They often matched the grey of the sky and sometimes they grey of water with a bit too much chlorine. However, right now, his eyes were dark enough to almost match the black of his hair. Not quite, of course, but close enough. Harry almost wishes he could've seen the sky right then just to compare how drastically his eye color had really changed.  
  
"Your eyes," Harry said, almost so quietly that he didn't hear himself. However, in the silence of the room, Louis heard. His eyes shot up to look at Harry once more, confusion written in his brow.  
  
"What?"  
  
"They changed color."  
  
Louis simply blinked at him, obviousily confused.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Although he was completely naked and exposed, laying bare in front of Louis, he couldn't help but feel even more vulnerable at this moment.  
  
"Well," He started, "They're usually a light grey. But...now they're like...Darker. I don't know. It's weird." Harry put his arm back on top of his eyes, hopefully shielding him from any judgement. Louis leaned down and carefully removed his arm from his face, leaning down to give him a sweet and soft kiss. No more words were exchanged between them as Louis squirted some lube onto his fingers, smearing it at Harry's entrance.  
  
"This okay?" Louis asked to which Harry immediately nodded. He spread his legs further so that the heels of his feet were on either side of the bed and Harry doesn't remember his legs being this long. Louis slowly pushes one finger into Harry entrance, Harry involuntarily shifting his hips at the new sensation. The slick and cold finger felt like so much, yet not enough, and Harry felt it was never going to be enough. He needed more. Louis pumped it in and out of Harry, causing him to squirm in the sheets in a helpless attempt to feel some friction against his cock or hips or something because he would be awfully embarassed if he came untouched.  
  
"More," Harry finally asked, the first letter slurring a bit. Louis added a second finger, thrusting in and out a bit fast until he added a third finger, scissoring them to stretch Harry out fully. Harry let out a broken moan against the otherwise quiet air, to which Louis replied with a small grunt. He started going faster and faster, Harry's breath coming out in choppy segments, and when Harry thought he couldn't take it anymore, Louis slowed to a stop.  
  
Harry looked up only to find Louis already positioning himself at Harry's opening.  
  
"You're doing so good, baby," He said, leaning down to press a kiss to the corner of Harry's mouth, "So good for me."  
  
Harry's heart fluttered, although he really didn't think he was doing anything, but if Louis thought he was doing good then he was going to believe it. He pushed the head of himself into Harry's wet and stretched hole, Harry whimpering almost upon contact. Louis paused, then slid in deeper. Paused, slid in deeper. This process went on until Louis was finally balls-deep in Harry, both of them feeling complete and full in ways they never thought possible.  
  
Louis pulled back, snapping his hips into Harry's, repeating the motion with each thrust. Harry wailed aloud, grasping the duvet tightly in his hands, and not even bothering to try and cover up the embarassing sounds he made. Louis watched Harry tug at the sheets for a moment; watched him come completely undone within a matter of seconds and it was nothing short of fucking magical. Louis leaned down, engaging Harry in a sloppy kiss that was uncoordinated, yet totally hot. Harry brought his hands from the bed to pull and grasp at the back of Louis' hair, the both of them moaning uncontrollably into each other's mouths. Louis kept up his pace, not even bothering to slow down when the heat deep in his belly started to hurt with the frantic movements. Their lips disconnected, Harry scratching down Louis' back, his mouth letting out breathy little _ah, ah, ah_ 's with every thrust.  
  
"L-Louis, Oh my God, Louis!" Harry shouted, his eyes clenched tight as Louis' hands went from beside his face to grab harshly at his arse, his nails no doubt leaving little half-moons imprinted.  
  
"Harry, _fuck,_ " Louis said as some sort of sign of agreement. He spread Harry's cheeks with his hands, driving in even deeper.  
  
"Holy fuck! I'm gonna-Lou, I-" He didn't get to finish his sentence before Louis seared their lips together for a last time, white sparks flying behind both of their eyelids before they came almost simultaneously: One for the record books if you ask Louis. Harry came shouting Louis' name to the rooftops, while Louis just settled for whimpering and burying himself in Harry's neck, collapsing in top of him despite the come now smearing both of their stomachs. Neither of them said anything for a few moments, just laying there and soaking in the wonderful little bubble they had made for themselves. Louis placed a small kiss on the junction where Harry's shoulder met his neck, taking a deep breath to inhale his after-sex smell. Which, well. For an after-sex smell, it still smelled pretty good. The scent was easily one of sweat, with a lingering hint of the body wash Harry always used. It was wonderful.  
  
Louis lifted his face, looking into Harry's blissed-out and heavy-lidded eyes, glistening like no other time Louis had ever seen them. Harry put on a crooked smile as he looked up at Louis, his eyes back to being the bright grey, only now they were even... brighter? Harry didn't know how to describe it. They held this glean in them that said so much without a single syllable being passed between them. They both just shared a _look._ A look that said everything that their lungs were still burning from not saying. They thought they knew everything before that moment, thought they had it all figured out. Yet, now, with this intimate action having passed between them, they easily understood what all of the "I love you's" really meant. What they truly represented and indicated. Maybe they still had much to learn. But, to be fair, who cares? Harry wrapped his arms around Louis' lower back as he leaned in for a slow and light kiss. They might've been a lot more to learn, but Harry knew in that very moment - even if he didn't say it out loud - nothing would be more true than Louis. Nothing would be more true than his love for Louis. He knew that. They knew that. Everyone knew that.  
  
It was okay.  
  
It was truly going to be okay.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

Harry entered his house, slowly clicking the front door shut. His dad was home- he saw the car in the driveway, and to be truthful, he was slightly afraid of encountering him after a weekend spent with Louis. So far, though, there was nothing. The only sound was a small metal clinking in the kitchen and Harry assumed his father was making tea or something. He sighed, a knot forming in his stomach for seemingly no reason, and tried his best hide his limp as he silently walked to his room.  
  
After he lost his virginity to Louis, they cuddled, kissed and made wonderful promises to each other, just basking in the after-glow of it all. Then, after the rest of Louis' family came home, they had dinner (Harry helped make it and spent some quality time with Louis' mum, despite it sort of making his heart swell with sadness yet happiness at the same time) and all watched a movie together. It was Saturday, their "Family Movie Night" and they all sat down to watch The Incredibles. Of course, Harry had cuddled up with Louis, the both of them sharing a blanket while the girls faught over who got the "good seat." Of course, because they were riled up teenagers, Harry and Louis couldn't keep their hands to themselves, and the privacy of the blanket was certainly not helping. Halfway through the movie, Louis slipped his hand under Harry's joggers, pressing his heel to Harry's already half-hard cock. Harry tried to supress his moans as best he could, while Louis rubbed and squeezed his cock, palming him through his shorts. They got the occasional odd glance when Harry let a small squeak slip out, quickly covering it up with a cough. Louis just smiled as he sneakily snuck his face behind Harry ear and bit down to suck a bruise.  
  
Needless to say, they went straight to Louis' room after the movie was over, excusing themselves as casually as possible. They had an entire sex-marathon (as Louis called it) that included riding, rimming, and everything inbetween; Harry had to bite his fist to keep from making much noise as Louis pounded in him from behind and vice versa. It was nice. So, on Sunday night, when Harry finally came back home, he didn't mind the slight limp in his walk and burn in his arse because it was a bittersweet reminder of his first time and Louis and sex and Louis.  
  
Harry had made it down their hallway, opening his door to his bedroom, and was about to step inside when a voice called him from further behind. Only a few words ran through Harry's mind.  
  
_Fuck fuck shit fuck shit fucking fuck shit balls crap shit._  
  
Harry turned, hiding the wince in his voice when he twisted too quickly, viscious heat zipping up his spine.  
  
"Yeah?" He asked, his father taking a step closer.  
  
"Where were you?" There was an odd tone to his voice and Harry decided he wasn't in the mood for this. He had a fantastic weekend and so much work to get done now that he's finally home. And, to be honest, he didn't understand why his father cared. He did this every once in awhile: Harry would come home from one place or another and his dad (with his hands in his pockets and gaze unfixed) would ask where he was, and try to engage him in a conversation about it. Harry saw it as his attempts to salvage any remaining relationship they might've had and maybe start living up to the word "father." The only problem was, Harry didn't like it. He accepted the fact that he and his father had a mutual dislike for each other. That's how it is, that's how it goes. It might've bothered him in the past, but he'd accepted it. Really, he had.  
  
So it was no surprise that the first words that popped into his head were, _Why do you care?_  
  
"A friend's house," He decided on, his voice absent of any emotion.  
  
His father nodded, and didn't say anything more, although they both knew it wasn't simply a "friend's" house. Harry raised an eyebrow and turned to get in his room, twisting the knob before-  
  
"You're limping."  
  
_No shit, Sherlock._  
  
"Are you hurt?"  
  
Harry turned his head, letting his tongue work faster than his brain, "No, dad, I'm not hurt. Now, can you stop pretending to care about me so I can get to my room? I have work to do."  
  
He saw his dad's eyes flash with anger for a brief second, then mellow out. As if he decided against it, his expression turned back to one of anger.  
  
"Don't be ridicoulous, Harry. Of course- I- of course I care about you! You're my son!"  
  
Harry scoffed. That sentence made him want to laugh and cry at the same time. The hypocrisy was layered on so thick he could almost _see_ it. Clearly, he was feeling bad for saying all of those hurtful words and overreacting to something that, in all honesty, wouldn't change anything. So, instead of stepping up and apologizing like a real man, he worked his way around it by pretending he cared. Harry could see through that guise any day of the week and twice on Sunday.  
  
Rather than come back with a sassy remark, Harry settled with an eyeroll and went into his room, slamming the door shut and collapsing on his bed.  
  
After a few moments of just laying in the warm and comforting atmosphere of his bed, he layed on his stomach (his arse was still sore, okay?) and opened up his laptop, opening his PDF's for his history class. He actually did need to study, considering the finals started this coming up week and he had spent so much time crying and then being comforted by his boyfriend, that he actually hadn't got much accomplished. Life was shit. Well, his home sitation was shit. His life actually wasn't that bad, now that he thought about it. The background on his laptop actually made his heart flutter every time he saw it, loving how bright Louis' eyes looked.  
  
As he sat there, straing at his radiant screensaver, he couldn't help but wonder what the future held for him and Louis. Now, he would never tell Louis, but he had already planned out their future. He could already see the wedding in his head and hear the bells in his ears. There was always a voice in the back of his head, telling him not to plan so far in the future because he didn't really know what would happen between him and Louis. They could break up before next year. One of them could get seriousily injured, or worse. Maybe one of them would have to move away. He quickly shushed that thought, though, because he would admit that the future could be unpredictable - he had witnessed it first hand. Yet, as long as he had Louis beside him at the moment, he didn't have to worry about all of those scenarios. They would figure something out. They always did. It was going to be okay and him and Louis would always see through every trial and tribulation. He was absolutely positive that Louis was the one.  
  
The one who he wanted to wake up next to for the rest of his life. The one he wanted to watch him as he walked down the aisle. He wanted Louis to be the one he went to after a particularly bad nightmare, or a scary memory. And last of all, he wanted Louis to be the one who smiled his crinkle-eyed smile as they held their beautiful first born in their arms.  
  
Looking around his house, though, and smelling the after-odors of alcohol and cigarettes, he couldn't help but wonder if Louis wanted that, too.  
  
He pretended that the sinking feeling in his heart wasn't Louis' potential reaction.  
  
****  
  
The school year came to as much of an abrupt halt as it did start.  
  
And it was good, really, it was. Harry had no more homework, books, and skirting around classmates until next fall. He had plenty of time to do a bit of writing and reading and taking pictures with the camera that had been collecting dust under his bed since the beginning of the school year. He was excited. Yet, there was this feeling in his gut that he just couldn't shake- a feeling that everything wasn't as peachy as it seemed. Somehow, although he knew that things were fine for the time being, he had this twist in his gut that suggested an end to everything good. It sucked. Like, really. It sucked. It kept him up day and night, and the worse part about it was that he didn't know _why._  
  
"Hazza."  
  
Harry snapped his attention to the right, seeing Louis look at him with curious eyes.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, of course."  
  
Louis just nodded and turned his head back to the large movie screen, his eyes zeroing in on the main character. Whoever that was. Harry wasn't paying much attention to the movie they had decided to attend, and he couldn't even focus on what was going on for more than five minutes at a time. His mind kept reverting to dark places and dark corners and dark alleys, and dark anything, actually. It was not fun. Everytime he looked at Louis, it was as if that knot in his stomach tightened. And in the very very back of Harry's subconscious, he knew why. He had to come to terms with it.  
  
"I'm going to use the bathroom," Harry whispered to Louis, not even waiting for a response before he made his way down the cramped cinema aisle, and got outside as quickly as possible. He sat on the bench right in front of Theater 7, the room where the movie was playing. Harry couldn't even remember what movie they were watching. He looked across at the movie posters and, was that it? No, they weren't watching Magic Mike. Were they? No. Harry didn't remember seeing Channing Tatum at all so, they probably weren't.  
  
Harry leaned forward, putting his head in his hands. He was getting pretty close to hating everything again. He didn't want to face just why - didn't want to have to think about it. Not yet. not until next fall, at least. Because Louis will be going away to college and Harry will still be left here, and. It. Just...It wasn't ideal, okay? It was far from ideal and Harry didn't want to think about it. He just wanted to take in everything that was Louis - his beautiful eyes and how they contrasted against his dark hair. His loud laugh that made Harry laugh right alongside him, because who could not admire someone as wonderful as Louis Tomlinson? He's a great person to just, like, sit and admire what he's like. And trying to sound as least creepy as possible, that's what Harry liked to do. Sit and admire what he's like.  
  
He couldn't do that if Louis was halfway across the world, going to the college of his dreams and living with friends who Harry didn't know and wouldn't know and couldn't relate to because they would have Louis and he wouldn't. It was inevitable, really, that Harry would loose Louis someday. He didn't deserve someone as wonderful as Louis. Louis would always tell him otherwise, but Louis also didn't analyze the situation as analytically as Harry did. Harry knew what he did and didn't deserve and Louis was one of them. It was too good to be true from the beginning. It had to end at some point, right?  
  
Harry felt something dampen the weight of the bench to his right. He really wasn't in the mood to interact with strangers, so he carefully got up from the bench, making his way to the actual bathroom, when a hand grabbed his wrist.  
  
"Harry," A beautiful, sweet voice called. He turned around, seeing Louis with tired eyes staring at him as if he was the world.  
  
It was too much.  
  
Louis stood up, immersing Harry in a surprise hug, "What's the matter, love?"  
  
Harry just took a shaky breath, shaking his head which rested on Louis' shoulder.  
  
"Hazza, I know you like the back of my hand. Tell me what's upsetting you."  
  
He took a deep breath. The absolute last place he wanted to have a breakdown was in a movie theater. And he really wasn't looking to approach this subject in public either, but. Not everything always goes to plan, does it?  
  
"You're going to college," Harry stated matter-of-factly. There was a pause, but Louis didn't tense up, so he took that as his cue to continue.  
  
"Actual-"  
  
"You-you're going to college and I'm staying here for my senior year."  
  
"Harr-"  
  
"And it's just," Harry pulled away from Louis, putting his hands in his pockets and suddenly finding the floor very interesting, "I know you're probably going to get into that college you wanted, and it's in California and I don't know- I mean, it'll be such a long distance away, and I don't think..." He snuck a glance at Louis and immediately reggreted it upon seeing his scrunched up eyebrows and hurt expression. He already knew what Harry was getting at. "Louis, I-"  
  
He held up a hand, "Save it, Harry."  
  
Harry was stunned. Wait, what?  
  
"I'm not-" He started, but then somthing flashed across his eyes and he started a whole new sentence, "Do you really think I'd break up with you because I'm going to be away for awhile? Is that what you think of me? That our love is, like, fucking seasonal or some shit?"  
  
Harry almost wanted to laugh at how fast the tables had turned. Almost.  
  
"No, Lou, of course not! But you just always seemed so sure about wanting to go to Berkeley, and I just don't want to stand in the way of that, I mean, I know you don't think I will but I'll be back here while you're over there, and I just thought that, like, what if you meet new people and, then, like, I don't know. If you meet someone new and they're cool and they live there and-and, like, I don't- I just... I'm rambling, sorry, I'm just... Scared? I think? I don't know. I don't anything, really. I don't even kno-"  
  
"Harold," Louis said in a stern tone although the slight smirk on his face suggested something else, "Shut up."  
  
Harry nodded. Louis took a few steps forward, planting his hands on Harry's shoulders.  
  
"I don't think you quite understand."  
  
What? What doesn't he understand? What?  
  
When Harry didn't say anything, Louis continued, "Okay, I didn't want to say anything until it was all locked down and squared away, but... I'm not going to Berkeley."  
  
The fuck? Harry literally remembers sitting on Louis' bed and watching him scroll through the school's home pages and ranting on about how beautiful the campus is and how you can, "Study on the beach! The fucking beach, Harry!" He knew it had been Louis' dream for awhile, to the point where he even had an over-the-phone chat with a student that went to the school. They talked for a few hours about living rates, classes, schedules and all of that. He was just going to give that up?  
  
"I thought it was your dream school? I thought you've been wanting to go there since... Since forever!"  
  
Louis just chuckled, "Yeah, it was my dream school." He hesitated before adding, "But, turns out I can get an apprenticeship and still live here. Meaning, I get to still see you everyday. It's a win-win."  
  
Louis smiled brightly, and Harry couldn't help but reciprocate the reaction. He still needed to know minor details, and ect., but as long as he had Louis, he didn't need to care about that. He didn't have to worry about any of those things at the moment because him and Louis weren't going to break up and him and Louis could stay together and him and Louis could still see each other on a regular basis. He loved it. He truly did. He loved Louis. He vocalized that much to Louis, after the wrapped each other in a tight embrace, ignoring any weird looks they recieved from passerbys. It was Louis and him. Him and Louis. And he would be soon to learn, that's all it ever would be. Truth be told, they didn't need much else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue will be up very soon after this one! Thank you all for reading!! Feel free to leave any questions, comments, or concerns with me and I'll get back to you ASAP :) have a wonderful day! (Did ya'll see the GMA interview? This shady ass band is trying to convince me Louis' having a child - HA)


End file.
